Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Wife Beater+Athletic Shorts=You Look Like a Douche
It's apparently Haterade Week here at DLAMGD. There's no rhyme or reason to it except that there seems to be more inspiration out there lately than normal. On the other hand, when you're at a diner at 2 AM, you're not necessarily going to see the cream of the sartorial crop.
Study the picture above. You'll notice a guy in a wife beater, athletic shorts, and basketball sneakers. To properly demonstrate how this makes one look like a douche, I'll begin my analysis from the bottom up.
1. Sneakers: They're basketball sneakers. By all means, wear them while playing basketball. Hell, wear them while doing anything athletic, I don't give a shit. They just look kind of sloppy, even at a diner.
2. Gym shorts: First, these shorts are insanely long; they hit at mid-calf. I've written other articles about this and if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: these are called capri pants, and they're for girls. If you're gonna wear long shorts, at least man up like my buddy Dima and buy some actual capri pants. I don't like them, but I respect him for owning up to what he's wearing.
Second, these are gym shorts, and this picture wasn't taken at a gym. Christ, even some ugly crap like denim cargo shorts would have looked better than this. Keep athletic wear at the gym.
3. Wife Beater: This is the most egregiously douchey part of the outfit, the douche-de-resistance, if you will. The wife beater (or A-Shirt, as it's called on the Hanes package) is appropriate in the following contexts:
a. As an undershirt (though it doesn't absorb armpit sweat like a normal t-shirt)
b. As something you wear when you know you're going to get dirty and sweaty: yard work, helping someone move, other types of manual labor, etc.
Here's the thing with guys who wear WB's as their shirt: they seem to think they're buff as all hell. The nature of the shirt is to show off your arms and shoulders, so it obviously looks best (though still not good) on guys who are in shape. Most guys who wear them "out," however, aren't in shape. A prime example: the dude in this picture. He's not ripped, he's not big. In fact, he was soft and a little chunky. In wearing a WB, he's basically saying that he thinks he's hot shit, that women love him and men fear his bulging biceps.
He was wrong. He looked like a douche.