The Sweatpants Aren't Alright

I wish you could have been there, really. There I was in Center City, walking away from Rittenhouse Park after having finished a delicious lunch from the Pad Thai Shack. It was a gorgeous day, and the positivity in the air was nearly palpable.

Then some dickhead walks by wearing an orange t-shirt with grey sweatpants, the legs of which were tucked into his black leather combat boots.

This was nothing less than an affront to my senses; I was stunned. So stunned, in fact, that I couldn't get my phone out in time to take a decent enough picture to post here. Just take my word for it when I say that the idea was the same as the picture of the woman above, but with shorter boots and a t-shirt instead of a sport coat.

You might be wondering, "Why is this such a big deal, Mike? Does wearing sweatpants really make you a dickhead?"

In the aforementioned context, you can bet your balls it does. Here's why:

Sweatpants are made for working out, helping people move, painting, sleeping, or being under the age of ten. They are not an article of clothing that's in any way fashionable. They flatter neither men nor women, and if you become in any way aroused, everyone will know (and hopefully be impressed). In fact, my old friend Matt once said, "If you wear sweatpants out of the house, that means you've lost the will to live." I couldn't agree with him more.

The man in question, however, is different. He hadn't lost the will to live; in fact, tucking his sweatpants into his boots was his misguided stab at being fashionable. Dude thought he was hot shit, but dude was wrong. The look was intentional, which makes it a particularly egregious breach of good taste. I'm not personally a huge fan of wearing combat boots unless you're actually, you know, in combat, but it's trendy these days, and had he simply substituted jeans for the sweatpants, he would have at least not looked sloppy.

Guys, here's a good rule of thumb: Don't wear sweatpants outside of the house or the gym (transit to and from the gym applies too, that's why they have locker rooms). It's sloppy and projects to the world that you could care less about how you look, which means you could care less about how you're perceived by others.

You're better than that, and you know it.