An Open Letter To Dwyane Wade

Mr. Wade,

Please allow me to begin this letter by commending your talents as a professional basketball player. Being a guard for the Miami Heat for the past decade has brought you fame and fortune, and you certainly deserve it; two world championships and your scoring 2386 points in the 2008-09 season are superlative to say the least. You're one of the best of your time, an Olympian, and clearly a great guy whose involvement in philanthropy is as selfless as it is profoundly generous.

With that out of the way, I'd like to ask you what you were thinking when you put these pants on:

It's tough to tell whether you had your pants hemmed at this length or if you just rolled them up, but either way I respectfully question your sartorial judgement on this one. Rolling them up, while not a bad thought in the summertime (and something I do myself), makes no sense when you're a) indoors, and b) wearing a not just a jacket, but a double-breasted one. If you had them hemmed this short, well, I don't really know what to say except, "Please don't do that again."

While I appreciate the fact that you avoided the four-button single-breasted trap that so many of your fellow players fall into and went with a 6x2 double-breasted jacket, I humbly remind you that a double-breasted suit is arguably the dressiest of all suits and it isn't done proper justice when worn with what appear to be ladies' capri pants.

Plus, they just look silly.

My professional opinion is to have you throw on some matching full-length pants. Jeans or chinos will also do, assuming that they, too, are full-length. If you don't have anything that fits the bill, I cordially invite you to stop by my showroom the next time you're in town playing the Sixers to have a drink and talk pants.

Yours in style,

Mike