Clothes On A Plane

Jeans and a sweater at the airport. I'm not asking for much here.

While browsing the Huffington Post today, I read an interesting story about a woman who was nearly prevented from boarding a Southwest Airlines flight because her clothing was "inappropriate" due to the cleavage she was showing. Follow this link to read the full story, but to summarize, it also touched on the subject of a different woman who was prevented from catching her connecting flight because she was wearing a (hilarious and poignant) t-shirt that said "If I wanted the government in my womb, I'd f*ck a senator." It also mentioned Green Day's frontman Billie Joe Armstrong being kicked off a Southwest flight for wearing pants that hung too low and a man dressed in women's lingerie who, amazingly, was allowed to fly on US Airways without incident. Apparently different airlines have different dress code policies, and the article poses the question of whether or not there should be a standardized dress code on flights.

I'm iffy on the idea of a flight dress code, or at least on the idea of airlines expanding on something that's already codified. Many airlines have common sense rules: everyone wants to be safe and comfortable, so please keep the safety and comfort of your fellow passengers in mind. It's vague, but that's a good thing because what's offensive to one person is perfectly fine with another. You can't please everyone. I, for one, am perfectly fine with the t-shirt mentioned above because I like its message. Additionally, if I did find it offensive, it's very easy for me to NOT LOOK AT IT because I have an iPod, a book, a magazine, or a life that's got more important things going on than to take issue with someone's t-shirt. I take issue, however, with someone getting on a flight wearing just his/her underwear. Both are grabs for attention, but the latter is past the point of being reasonable. It's called "underwear" for a reason. It goes under your clothing, it does not suffice as clothing itself unless you're in the comfort of your own home.

These common sense rules should extend to looking minimally decent, and not just because you're flying. You're going out in public, which should be reason enough. A few years ago, an older cousin of mine related a story of flying as a young girl. Apparently, flying used to be an event unto itself. Passengers dressed up and treated it as a luxury experience worthy of some sartorial reverence and decorum. I thought this was hilarious, given that many passengers nowadays treat going to the airport as an excuse to dress like a slob. I'll be the first to admit that getting through an airport nowadays is a royal pain in the ass -you have to take your shoes off, you might get frisked, and the geniuses in line say helpful things like, "This line is ridiculous. They should open another one"-but not showering and throwing on a velour sweatsuit? Come on. I don't think that we should be forced to wear suits when flying, but we should all be held to a certain aesthetic standard of not looking slovenly. We're all adults here. Dress the part.

Reader Question

This ended up on my Facebook page a while ago:


"So, I know you don't write about women's fashion, but here's a topic to consider: Why it might be considered trashy to wear a fur coat to the zoo."


Gladly. While I don't disagree with using the word "trashy" in this instance, I think a more descriptive word is "uncouth." Wearing fur has been politically incorrect for years now, and with good reason: it represents the most conspicuous of consumption, is unnecessary due to the ubiquity of other materials that are both luxurious and warm (you may have heard of wool, for example) and the undue suffering to the animals slaughtered to make it. I certainly don't claim to be a saint when it comes to consuming animal products; I wear calfskin shoes and eat so much meat that my girlfriend needs to periodically check up on my fruit and vegetable consumption, but meat and leather substitutes are either difficult to come by or taste like crap. It's a lose lose for me. Faux fur is all over the place. 


Wearing a fur coat to the zoo is uncouth because it shows a blatant insensitivity to the essentially imprisoned animals who obviously can't help their own plight (though it's important to mention that they're treated incredibly well). It's the sartorial equivalent of Kobe Bryant playing in a basketball game at the Special Olympics. Or showing off your Rolex to the guy next to you at a homeless shelter who lost his job and can't get back on his feet. In either situation, we would rightfully harumph.


To be constructive, wear jeans, a sweater, and a wool coat to the zoo when it's cold out. While animals can't throw paint on you if you wear fur, they can certainly urinate on your if you get too close. And you'd deserve it, too. 

A Growing Impatience

Back in April, I left my job as a retail manager and started working for a men's custom clothier/image consulting company. This is pretty much the best job ever, for two reasons:

1. I get paid to talk about tailored clothing all day long, and

2. I get some custom clothing out of the deal.

My two suits (one an incredibly light grey, the other a blue thats a bit lighter than navy) were ordered back when I started and just got in last week for their second fitting. They're currently at the tailor getting finished and I'm absolutely pumped (and becoming increasingly impatient) to get the finished products and start rocking them. Hard.

You'll get some action shots when they arrive, but for now, check the name label:

Yeah, it's like that. I refuse to use my actual first and last name on any future name labels, as that's just too damned easy. This means that I'll eventually need some help coming up with irreverent ideas. Feel free to chime in, but know that I've already decided to use "Mr. President" and "The Hebrew Haberdasher."

B Is For Badass Brits in Bow Ties

A short while back a reader left the following comment on Tie It Up, Pt. II:

"Hey there. So, you've done a couple of posts now about ties, but what about the bow tie? How do we make that work without looking like Orville Reddenbacher or our grandfather at prom? I'd really like to rock it (and I do), but my propensity for tweed, elbow patches, and other remnants of a bygone age isn't helping. So, bow tie challenge?"

First, thanks for reading. I'll admit that bow ties are pretty difficult for most men to pull off in the real world, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't try. The last time I wore a bow tie was when I had to work on Christmas Eve; I figured that if I had to work while everyone else and their mother was out shopping and enjoying the holiday season, you could bet your ass that I was going to be a little festive (and perhaps just a bit obnoxious) and rock a plaid wool bow tie.

That's the thing with bow ties: they're uncommon and can therefore be perceived as affected, silly, or obnoxious, as I mentioned above. The keys to pulling one off are twofold:

1. Know your proportions: Bow ties come in various sizes and styles. Larger-framed men can do better with larger-scale bow ties, whereas smaller-framed men (like a certain author of a certain blog you happen to be currently reading) do better with smaller-scale bow ties.

2. There are a few different types of bow ties:


The diamond:

The butterfly:

And my personal favorite, the batwing:

Try each one out and learn what you like and what looks good on you. A little experimentation goes a long way.

3. Tie that shit yourself: Would you ever wear a clip-on necktie? No. So why would you ever wear a clip-on bow tie? I dressed up as Pee-Wee Herman for Halloween back in 2009 and insisted on tying the bright red bow tie myself, and it took me about 90 minutes to learn by watching this video on YouTube. Note what the nice man says about finding your neck size.

The most important aspect of tying a bow tie yourself is the imperfect look it'll create; it's not supposed to be perfectly symmetrical, and if anyone tells you otherwise, refer them to the most badass Briton in their country's history:

That, sir, is how you wear a bow tie. Emulate this man and you are untouchable.

Tie It Up, Pt. II

After downloading the "How To Tie a Tie" app on my phone, I've recently become enamored with learning as many tie knots as possible. This is taking a hell of a long time; I've been a half-Windsor guy since about 2004, and old habits die hard. As a result of a lot of practice and maybe divine intervention, I had a breakthrough this morning and managed to tie a decent four-in-hand knot. Check it out:

If you look at the upper left side of the knot (your left, not mine), you'll see that it sits a bit higher than the right. This asymmetry is the hallmark of the classic four-in-hand; it's supposed to elicit a casual feel, a devil-may-care attitude that says, "Yeah, I put a tie on today and didn't even have to pay all that much attention to how I did it (although I paid way too much attention to how I did it)." It's very unlike my favored half-Windsor, which should be perfectly triangular and thicker. It's also more of a pain in the ass to tie, so I might be doing this four-in-hand thing for a while.

Also, look at the dimple in that thing. I was patting myself on the back for that all day.

For a great instructional video on ho to tie one of these bad boys, click here. Just remember that you'll likely have to play around with the initial length differential depending on your height (and how much of that height is in your torso as opposed to your legs), so don't get discouraged when you miss it the fifty or so times.      

Tangled Up In Brown

Just a couple of nights ago, I had both the pleasure and the privilege of being invited to two friends' rehearsal dinner before their wedding. This was a particularly thoughtful gesture; my girlfriend is a bridesmaid while I'll just be reprising my role as drunken reveler on the big day. They went above and beyond the rules of wedding etiquette by inviting me, and I'm incredibly grateful for the gesture. Being the skinny fat man that I am, I will never refuse a delicious dinner, especially on someone else's dime. 

Oink.

In the days leading up to the dinner, however, I wondered: what the hell am I going to wear? I wear jeans 90% of the time (my work dress code pretty much requires it), so I was excited at the thought of actually dressing up a bit. I brought up some pretty bold sartorial choices to my girlfriend, and she had the good sense to remind me that it was still a casual dinner and to maybe not do everything in my power to draw attention to myself. 

She was right, and that's probably the only time she'll every get that in writing. It wasn't a dinner in my honor, so while it behooved me to dress well, being too rakish would have been a distasteful choice. Best to allow the attention to be directed where it belonged: to the bride and groom. Many people turn to black when they'd like to look nice without standing out, but I don't like black at all. In fact, I own no black clothing whatsoever. I did have a smart pair of dark brown dress pants though, so I decided on the following get-up, based on earth tones. Please pardon the poor photo quality; I'm not a good photographer and have never claimed to be:

I figured chocolate brown shoes would be too, well, chocolatey with chocolate brown pants, so I went with my new tan penny loafers:

In a rare turn of events, I decided to wear socks that weren't terribly bold in color (note the fine pinstripes in the pants):

The shirt is a beautiful but subdued multi-colored check, and the sport coat is the one I got back in November 2010 that I've worn nearly every single day that's been under 55 degrees. It was awesome with these pants:

All in all, I think it was a successful attempt at being sartorially respectful but still tasteful. Sometimes a little restraint goes a long way.

But only a little.

  

Hitting The Links

One of the perks of having an awesome girlfriend is that sometimes she buys you awesome things. I've made it clear from day one that I have a penchant for anything clothing related, and she knocked it out of the park with the cufflinks you see here:

These are totally sweet cufflinks. They're a completely neutral brushed silver, and they're handsome as all hell. What's even more impressive is that she found them on Etsy, meaning that she supported a local artisan and found something cool and a bit unusual, not something from the Donald Trump Collection at Macy's.

Good job, babe.